Are you Fucking Kidding me?!

I started to be okay with it. I started to get over it. I vented and got it all out and it made me feel better. I began to think that I was over reacting... AND THEN I FIND OUT SHE'S ONLY 20!? YOU'RE SOON TO BE 27!!! WHAT THE HELL?! You like them younger so they're easier to manipulate and lie to? Jesus! I really thought I was okay with it until I found this out.

*COUPLE HOURS & A CONVO LATER*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! YOU FUCKING PISS ME OFF!!!! I needed to talk to you about what I was thinking and feeling and then we end up throwing a pity party for you! We end up talking about how you think you ruined Sarah's life and how your life is shit and I, of course, end up going into friend mode and talking to you about it and trying to help you see that it wasn't your fault. THIS CONVO WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE ABOUT YOU! I wanted to tell you off. To be pissed. To get some advice. But No Fucking No! SOMEHOW the convo gets turned around to you! You fucking tricked me into being your friend for an hour. Even if you don't claim that you did, fuck you. You did. Because you knew that I would. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I want to hate you so much but I can't! I want to cut you out of my life. I want to say goodbye. I want to tell you to fuck off, that you hurt the one person who cared for you like a real friend should. The one person who helped you get through the beginning of your divorce. The one who listened and said what needed to be said even if I didn't agree. I sympathize with her more than I do you. And I know that's terrible because I'm suppose to be YOUR friend, but I understand where she is coming from because I've been there. You were her Matt, only she went through with the marriage while I had the guts to back out in time. The more I learn, the more you're like Matt... and that breaks my heart all over again.

I know you want to be friends... And part of me wants that too. But I don't know if it's possible. I don't know if I can be unbias. Because I'll tell you right now I want you and her to fail. I don't want you and her to work out because... because it would hurt. You look nice for her. You put on cologne for her. You only did that for me twice... I don't want you to move on. Not yet. And I want to be bitter and mad but I don't know if I should. I'm so fucking confused about all of this. I feel like if I become your friend so quickly that I'm letting you off the hook too easily. But I feel like if I stay mad, I'll just push you away. Alex and Dave want me to drop you and never talk to you again. And part of me agrees... but part of me doesn't want to let go. I made you promise not to disappear again, and now I want you to stick to the promise, even if it's bad for me.